So you want to transform your life. And you think coaching of some sort might be useful in that endeavor.
Yup, you are right!
The dictionary describes transformation as “a thorough or dramatic change in form appearance, nature or character”. I don’t know about you, but there have been many times that I’ve sought transformation. Sometimes I’m seeking transformation around my performance, sometimes it’s about my appearance in some way, sometimes it’s about how I feel . . . emotionally or physically.
When I was a teenager I remember one of my first desires for transformation was around having a flat belly! Little did I know that those were the “flat” years. Now I’m transforming my mind to enjoy and celebrate my body as it is! But here’s the thing, if it were a true desire, I could have that flat belly now too. Much of our transformation comes from discerning what it is that we are truly desiring. It’s about getting clarity. And if I were to look back at those teenage years what I was really seeking was acceptance of self. And that begins with me accepting me.
As a teenager I also got caught between my parents and their “stuff”. I was the oldest and somehow thought that their relationship was my responsibility. That was a set up! They were in constant disharmony, and there was nothing I could do about it. The emotional trauma of those years took some time to unwind. But unwind it did because I wanted that transformation. And I wanted it simply because I wanted to feel good.
Over the years as I’ve worked with both myself and my clients I see 4 kick ass reasons to seek transformation:
- Respond don’t React: There is nothing worse than feeling like you are in crisis mode all of the time. Your heart races, cortisol kicks in and you end up saying things that you don’t mean. Or if you do mean them, they don’t always get you what you want. It’s easy to get triggered, especially by certain people in our lives. Wouldn’t it be nice if that weren’t the case? Wouldn’t it be nice to not take anything personally? Because, guess what? It’s usually not. And because most of what’s directed towards us has nothing to do with us it feels so much better to respond with equanimity.
- Eliminate the Suffering Seeker: This may sound harsh, but I think we are programmed for doom and gloom. We seek it out in the news. We like high drama stories. We laugh at pain in “America’s Funniest Videos”. We are programmed to be both sadists and martyrs. This one is tricky because of the historically deeply embedded piety of self flagellation. But it can be done. We can transform the suffering into LOVE. And it begins by loving self.
- Remove Obstacles: As a homeopath, I’ve noticed that thoughts and the way people think about their circumstances and their life are often the biggest obstacles to their health and healing. I often say that a remedy can open the proverbial door, but we are still called to walk through it. Our relationships, our jobs. our circumstances, our dis-eases are products of our thoughts. Change the thought, remove the obstacle, watch things get better. Transformational coaching at its finest.
- Understand and Celebrate your Resourcefulness: Because transformation cannot happen without an acknowledgement of that resourcefulness. After all, here you are, alive in this body, resilient to what you have experienced in your life. Celebrate that!
Here’s what to do instead…
Two years ago, I hit the wall. I was bone-crushingly tired, and it had nothing to do with sleep.
It came from pushing myself too hard through one too many difficult relationships, and not listening to myself about what would make me happy.
So I did what most sane, rational people do: I stopped everything, sold my house and went on a road trip … for 8 months.
Okay … maybe NOT what most would call sane.
But it WAS effective. I realized there are physical, emotional and spiritual reasons for this kind of collapse.
The New York Health Guide would have you consider these 5 PHYSICAL reasons for your stress and fatigue.
1.) Your hormones may be out of whack. Ask your doctor to check your thyroid or adrenals.
2.) You may have iron related or non-iron related anemia.
3.)Chronic pain. Scan yourself to see if there is pain you’ve just gotten used to experiencing.
4.)Daily or frequent drug or alcohol use.
5.)Medications. Check with your doctor to see if any you are taking could possibly be causing the problem.
For me it was those amazing hormones that, while when working well orchestrate most feminine functions, were having a difficult time adjusting post-menopause. Our bodies are brilliant when they are in sync, and brilliantly out of sync at times too.
Then there are sometimes emotional, and perhaps even spiritual, reasons for this kind of exhaustion too.
Do you often find yourself pushing too hard to make something happen because you want it so badly, but find it’s not happening fast enough?
Or trying too hard to make a relationship work?
Or grieving over something or someone you just can’t seem to get over, no matter what you do?!
Sometimes, that soul weariness comes from simply being bored with our lives. We can’t seem to find anything that juices us up.
So what to do?
I say MOVE! And I mean it in the most broad sense.
Judith Wurtman of The Huffington Post says when you are too exhausted to move, move for more energy. Get up and go for a walk. Go the gym. Do some sit ups or pushups. There is something about moving the body that does keep the energy moving for a good period of time after.
And you can move in other ways too
Consider these possibilities
- Change your mind. Just decide you are going to think differently about something from a different perspective. Then find one that makes you feel even slightly better.
- Change the subject. Sometimes the best we can do is think about something else entirely. Consciously choose to think about something that does make you feel good.
- Focus on doing things that nurture you. Take a hot bath, with essential oils, epsom salts, candlelight and music that inspires you. Or rub oil into your skin and notice how wonderful it feels.
- Break away from that relationship that’s bringing you down, even for a bit. Find people who uplift you.
You don’t have to do what I did and wander the countryside being inspired by the beauty around me for 8 months (though I’d strongly recommend that), but maybe it would feel good to take a break for a few days or a few weeks.
Most say it’s not possible. But it is.